The Day of Ups and Downs

So many things happened today, did the survey, went out, blah blah blah...but also a day of a lot (too many even perhaps) of thinking...so many things hitting me at the same time, words can't even begin to describe how terrible I felt in the evening, but not sad, but TERRIBLE. Seems that today, a lot of things have come catching up with me, either that, or I'm under attack (...)

Was so bad...almost cried for no reason whatsoever when I was going to campus just now, gosh that've been idiotic man, and thank God that I wasn't coming with my friend, so weird...but in the midst of it, I really was comforted by Him, when I called upon Him, yeah, then, that spawned another chain of thoughts: I don't know whether it's good or bad, that I really have no one to turn to at these kinda moments except for God? Not that I don't have anyone to turn to really, but it's just that I don't really feel close enough with ANYONE to call just at that moment to...be comforted too? Yeah...man...this is stupid, but who can I trust/have the "priveledge" (if you'd call that) to do so to?

Was stoning for a while during our fellowship today, cos the rest of the guys ended up reading magazines/material and it became almost girls' talk with only the girls talking, and mind drifted off for a while, was thinking of one of my friend, about how wise (life experiences and wisdom) she is (or has become?) now, but I shudder at the idea of how much suffering she had to go through through bad mistakes perhaps? I know even mine seem little to what she had gone through if what I know about her is true, and I can't already take it liao the aftereffects so-called? But how...how to actually give all of these up? I want to focus my energies on Him at the moment? And studies too, so that prob I'll be available for His use in the future too, but these past hurts, they come back still time and again...darn

I want to find the REAL group of friends, the group that I truly can rely on, and serve too at the same time yeah? But where are they? And finding the one for me yeah, but hell, I think I've a whole long way to mature before I can even consider myself ready for such a relationship too again

Was watching part of a drama serial on Channel U before I left my house, and the short story during then was so stupid, but real in the secular world? Or even ours! Two different couples, one going to get married, the guy's a cheat, and the other one, they're married, but the woman's having an affair outside. And then blah blah blah later, the woman with the affair gets caught in the middle of it, and she says "I don't know what to say...I'm confused". Two couples, inappropiate AND insufficient espression of feelings and thoughts. Both cases one gets distracted from a PROPER relationship...made me so angry...don't even know why I was angry at watching such a thing, but I was

And the best part of it all? My mum had been quite sick during the week, am darned worried for her, but don't know what to do other than pray for her and tell her to see the doc. Stupid...