Living for others

It's hard to make the distinction:

When should we be tough?
When should we be soft?
When should we be forthcoming?
When should we be more discrete?
When should we point out errors?
When should we just hold back for the time being (and continue to pray)?

When all these should be decided upon(sometimes at that point in time), all for the sake of others.

Heard one answer to it: "We cross examine our motives, and see whether our motives are to tear them down instead, which is the opposite of what we aim to do." Possible at times, impossible in other situations, to be able to think so objectively on the run. (Thinking back about some past events, it looks like the action taken should've been different, and the outcome probably would've been different, but the thing here is not to wistfully hope to be able to change the past, but rather see what needs to be changed)

Another way is to observe those who're good models and see what's their motives for acting the way they do, deciding whether it's really an example to learn from that's the result of biblical understanding/conviction. And this one will take time, and (of course) the fact that there are godly people around whom we can observe.

But...so...when, should we be which?
(to be continued, hopefully not at another 3am)