It (still) hurts like hell

It's probably been just over a year since the changes in my mum towards me, and even longer for her towards my brother, but the hurt and disappontment at my mum's actions are still basically there. Because of what she did which I thought of as nothing less than the betrayal and disowning of her sons.

I think most people would never come close to understanding this kind of pain, which would be good if this were true... I'm grateful to God really for Yifen who really does love and know me, and I'm sure my sister-in-law does too for my brother. But even with the many people around who know about this and show concern, I believe the only one who can come close to understanding this would be my brother only.

Which is why I get quite frustrated when people come and say "Oh, you should keep trying to contact her. See, your mum is so hurt." or "It's only right to keep trying because we need to honour our parents."

Honouring father and mother I totally agree with. And that's because that is what God (or Christ) wants. But all this time thrashing it out in my mind what I still can't figure out is: why does it mean for me to honour her? Definitely far more than just fulfilling obligations/duty, but what I wish to do is exactly what's not possible now counting what's happened/happening. Totally frustrating...

Still much more floating around in my head, and after so long a time of thinking heh. But all still in a mess..