Friday, January 25, 2008

Failures: Communication

I've failed again. Not in an exam, but in acting in a way that's right. I know that if I don't write this, I will have a hard time remembering. And I want to remember.

Have not been communicating well with her again, though we see one another almost every night and spend time together, we don't (or at least I haven't been trying to) talk about the things that need to be talked about, be it sharing what happened in the day, or what our frustrations and stresses are.

The root reason is because we function differently when it comes to talking. She talks and shares a lot faster and freely. I need to warm up before I'm able to start, and even then I need to have an "attentive" (not changing the topic or focus to the listener's point of view or events) listener at the other end. So with this combination, I end up clamming up, she ends up doing most of the talking.

God has made me come to realize finally, that I've been totally self-centered in my thinking, and not seeking to be others-centered. Why is it that she has to conform to my standards and perceptions of a ready audience before I talk and communicate? True, it helps, but I'm talking about the situation where I totally shut up all the time. Remembering Paul in his letters, his life (emulating Christ's) shows real others-centeredness, summed up nicely in the phrase "...to the Jews, a Jew. To the Gentiles, a Gentile". Go to where they are! Not get others to conform to what you're like. Be in the world, though on of the world. Go out to them! If for things as ultimately important as spreading the goods news for people to be saved, we can be others-centered and consider others first, why can't we do the same thing for other things that are smaller, even trivial? Why shouldn't I?

In the process of learning to love her as Christ loved the church (both now before the wedding and also after the wedding), I do fail, and will still along the way. But God forbid that I stop thinking with the right mindset, and working to change, to love her more and more...

4 comments:

hamster said...

Couldn't have said it better myself bro. Some things you really should try to change as part of your love. Just take note though - there'll be some things that will be really really hard to change, and can't be one-sided. Talk it out with her (yes, talk again) and work out a compromise - including using trigger words to get her attention to listen for example.

You're both doing well already :) identifying and moving forward on your comms problems. Some couples never get to that stage even at age 65.

GunBlad3 said...

Thanks bro... I'll keep trying on my end of things =)

ernie said...

There are many ways to communicate... talking is ONE of them...your "silence" and "listening ear" is already communication....

Sometimes... the old just needs someone to listen to them... no matter how inane or boring the topic is...

GunBlad3 said...

Thanks =)

Btw also, actually...I was not referrinf to my mum in this post, but someone else with whom I'm trying to learn to take care of and be together with for the rest of our lives ;)