Encouraged

I'm glad that the younger ones didn't only learn from the older ones.  They even went one step further: they took the initiative and started what we (especially myself) didn't do.

The only thing left is to commit to God all our plans, and work hard together at making it true.

Who is the Lord...? I don't know the Lord...

(From Exodus 5:2) But Pharaoh said, “Who is the Lord...? I do not know the Lord...”

Words cannot describe the sadness, fear and helplessness that I feel now.

The Pharaoh was a guy who had no knowledge of, and gave no attention to who this so-called God is, as brazenly reflected in his reply to Moses and Aaron.

As some of us may know, he (and his country) didn't come to a good end even in that story, having being subjected to a variety of massive plagues and punishments, including the loss of his firstborn son. All as a punishment from God for his defiance at the Creator.

The story also pointed forwards, to the time when Jesus will come back, and every knee will bow, every tongue confess that Jesus the Christ is Lord. There will only be two different groups of people: who say Jesus is their King, and those who (are forced to) say that Jesus is the King.

Of course we don't deny God (and Christ) in the same way as the Pharaoh did. But are we doing so in the way we live our lives?

Yes yes yes...we go to church, we've come to know and verbally affirm our belief in what's right and true... but just looking at the way I've been thinking about things, how I've spent my time, how I acted in different situations, what were the things I talked to people about... only showed that I don't acknowledge the Creator either.

Take work for example: when the demands of work come into conflict with the things that need to be done in service of God, be it spending time with my wife or just going to cell group for group bible study and fellowship, what takes precedence? In the beginning of my working life, it was still pretty much balanced out, but it gradually degraded to the state it is now..

I'm sad, because of how I've let things degenerate to the way things are now. But just as troubling is how am I going to lead my wife (spiritually) in this marriage in this state? I only am going to bring her down, and will be equally responsible for it as she would be.

Helplessness... at knowing that I can't change this by myself... but can only cry out for help as I make it a point to repent for the better..

I'm dying, but I hope revival comes before it's too late.

She's right...

Heard before that when they (your wife) nags at you, it most probably because you're not doing something right, and that they're trying to let you know (whether it is done in a right manner or not) somehow, in this manner.

Well, I can only say that she's right on the things she's trying to communicate over, and that it's pride that comes in the way, not reason.

On another issue, responding rightly to my mum is one of the things that's really far off for me myself right now. We both know the reason why we need to do it (out of a response to the God who forgave and loved us so richly), she is trying to do it for that reason, and I still fail at it. Probably due to me being hard-hearted, when anger burnt the heart to a black crisp at that chain of events. Ha ha ha.

Maybe this post will be analyzed by some as me trying to give even more excuses for my failings. But if I'm in my right mind and I recognise to change quickly enough, there's a reason why I (on my side) chose her to be my wife in the first place: She's the godly (not PERFECT, yet), redeemed, God-fearing woman that I wanted to grow old together with.

And God makes use of people (many a time) to effect His actions and purposes in this world.

Fail IPPT

When you fail your 2.4KM run by a mere 19 seconds, you know it's way past time to get serious about your time planning for training up/keeping fit.

The worst part of it is that due to circumstances, I was only able to attempt my first attempt for this cycle today, and this cycle ends in two days.

Remedial training in the pipeline~~ Not really looking forward to it, counting that we're trying to adapt to the new lifestyle.

Anger and Pity

Only two emotions can be used to describe now...

Pity: at the (horribly irrational) state that she seems to be stuck in now.

Anger: at myself for losing control of my tongue yet again. At the whole situation, that a person, a mother can become like this...

Christians are changed people, but that's only because they've been changed by another Being.

I wish I'd stop acting like this, but what's needed is now far beyond human action alone.

Backdated post [20:37 Sun 27-Apr-2008]

It's pretty exciting to see the house come up bit by bit, part by part. Planning, deciding, buying, cleaning...

Heh, it's also very exciting to see our expenditure and money in the bank as we spend on stuff for this and that. Hahaha.. :-D

It takes two hands to clap

Clashed with my mum again today. Or rather, she said some things this morning, some of which were true, some of which were just unfounded and untrue. Chose not to fight with her because of time, and the fact that quarrelling with her brings no progress at all. But as a result, lost the chance to explain to her, and to reason with her.

What i really can't stand is the ingrained attitude shown (not just in her, but when seen in some people around sometimes), that only the people around her are wrong, and that she's perfectly right always.

I'm really really angry, not just at her, but at how things have downward spiraled into this state.

How should i be thinking about this? I can remember a few points:

• Hypocrisy is out. Recognise and work on your own faults first before helping others with theirs. It's always easier to see and focus on others' wrong.

• In doing what's right, we must be ready also to give up on our (legal &/or moral) rights. That's exactly the way Jesus walked. The way of the cross.

• Do unto others as how you'd have others to do unto you. Not wait for others to do something as you'd like, then reciprocate.

• Anger tantamounts to murder.

Remembering what i learnt so far is the first step. But i'd sure need help to obey God in this area.

Sometimes not knowing who is reading stops a person from writing in a blog. Sometimes knowing who might be reading stops a person from writing. Sometimes knowing who is reading stops a person from writing.

Question then, is why write what you/I write? If the objective was to reveal oneself in writing, then perhaps the writing should continue.

Slowly being choked to death. And I know I'm dying. Question then is: what am I going to do about it? I'm already bringing down along with me others who're around me also.

The scourge of the Singaporean Christian's life would be busy-ness. It takes no prisoners, killing all who succumb to its attack.

Want to read, think and pray already so hard to do. But...still must think of something to fight this problem eh.

I'm confused as to what to think of my mum. I think it would be easier to rethink of the entire situation as being my fault, for a few reasons. Benefit of doubt, assuming that the changes in her were brought about by hormonal changes, and more importantly, the tendency to recognise my own real wrongdoings, and to be repentant about it.

Mom fell pretty sick today, quite worried for a while when she was finally forced to see doc, but was too weak to go alone (in case anything happened along the way).

To cut a long story short, it turned out to be a bout of flu that got her, so with the right medicine and rest she should be fine...

Though things (relationally) haven't been mended much since months ago when things just went (really) crazy, it's generally always easier to take care of someone when he/she's down, this incident included. But the tough part will be to honour your parents out of reverence for Christ when things are "normal" again, where she recovers from her sickness and things go back into the aftermath kind of situation.

Not to say that I'm perfectly able to do the "tough" things here: in fact, I'm going to need all the help (divine, or indirect) I can get to do this rightly and properly.

Learning a lot from the sermon on the mount studies so far, but now the challenge is to remember always.

It's not good to be like the man who looks at the mirror and subsequently forgets what he saw.

Another evening of mulling through the wedding guest list to try
to think of how we can modify the list to fit into the room with very
limited capacity. Really stressful, but it does really test our
objectives/reasons for inviting each and every one..Though it's pretty
unpleasant to remove anyone from the list, really.

Hope that with this, we'll realize our priorities on what we deem as
important too.. =)

Salt and Light (of the World)

Salt is meant to give taste to the food it's added to.
Light is not meant to be invisible.

Where there are areas to be greatly improved upon, stop being a chameleon, Ray. Living morally right lives and good deeds which gives praise to the Father is the way to go about it, even if people around will not like you for that.

I don't think I'll trust SG's credit card handling for now

Random picture taken from Suntec city exhibition hall. Noted interesting by someone near me ;-) Maybe got prize for the one who guesses what exactly is "interesting" :-D

On a more serious note, the way things are currently done in Singapore only facilitates credit card fraud and raise alarm bells in security-paranoid people like myself, at least until someone gets burned really badly and the media hypes it up, then everyone will take note.

Take for example the restaurants we have here. When we foot the bill by credit or debit card, in many restaurants the helpful waiters/waitresses bring your card in a holder to the cashier where they do the transaction, bring the receipt back to you for signing before returning you the card. And in the process the card goes out of sight for a while, a very juicy opportunity for the numbers (from the front and the back 3 "security" numbers) to be recorded and to be used to buy _____ from ebay by some fellow.

Well, the tour agency we went to today took things one step further, writing the ENTIRE credit card number on the receipt when they make a transaction (and it is also done out of sight). The reason they gave was that the number was "for records purposes" (and to appease us they helpfully cancelled out the number with a line and countersigned it :-D As if that would help...). Thinking about it, this process only made it far easier for anybody to steal others' (the customers' in this case) card numbers for misuse (just remember the 3 digits on the back of the card).

I'm not writing this to target the poor fellows who suddenly had to deal with such a weird complaint/request about writing the number on the receipt (which even the banks themselves don't do!). But what I'm saying here is that companies should have better methods of handling customers' information, including NOT storing things that they shouldn't.

Even credit card issuers do have points of failure in this. I hope that they'll stop trying to persuade me to get even more cards from them when it is explicitly stated in the MoneySense guide not to get more cards than necessary. :-D The irony being that this guide is distributed with every card given out!

I like to have the convenience and options of the credit system. But looking at how credit cards are handled currently in Singapore, I think I'll stick to using my NETS card or cash for offline purchases. I don't want to appear in tabloids as a victim of credit card fraud :-D

It seems that making simple(r than the usual) wedding plans do come with their own set of problems as well.

With the constraints that we face currently, we definitely will not be able to invite everyone that we'd wish to invite, and the range of responses I got from friends spanned the gamut: from the indifferent response to the I'm-kinda-ok-with-that response to the not-pleased-with-that-at-all kind of response.

In Singapore, it seems that all around assumes that there'll be some kind of arrangement at least to accomodate everyone around for at least the ceremony &/or dinner.

It does suck to break the news to those who'd really wish to be there on that day itself. But whether in the end an arrangement is fulfilled to celebrate with you in an alternative arrangement or not, rest assured: to the only few friends (outside of church) that I've come to know and keep in contact over the years, you're just as important to me as the church family, family and relatives that I know too, even though we don't meet regularly or relate to one another in the same way all the time.

Met up with a couple of my cousins for dinner today, and dropped by my aunt's place for a while on the way back home...

It feels weird, including a mixture of relief and gladness, to finally have a normal conversation with them. After these 10 over years of separation due to circumstances..

My aunt has grown pretty thin as compared to back then. Maybe it's due to the recent events in their life also.

No one in the church is perfect on this side of Christ's return...

(If anyone says that this is true, let me tell you a secret..... He/she's lying)

...But it does consist of family members accepted and adopted by God because of what Jesus Christ did some time ago.

It is of great concern and worry to see what has been happening, especially if I myself could have contributed in doing something wrong.. but I really hope that things will be thrashed out and reconciled within the affected group of people soon..

It would be really sad to see people falling away because of unreconciled problems, either from misunderstandings &/or wrongdoings. We're all of the status work in progress aren't we?

Failures: Communication

I've failed again. Not in an exam, but in acting in a way that's right. I know that if I don't write this, I will have a hard time remembering. And I want to remember.

Have not been communicating well with her again, though we see one another almost every night and spend time together, we don't (or at least I haven't been trying to) talk about the things that need to be talked about, be it sharing what happened in the day, or what our frustrations and stresses are.

The root reason is because we function differently when it comes to talking. She talks and shares a lot faster and freely. I need to warm up before I'm able to start, and even then I need to have an "attentive" (not changing the topic or focus to the listener's point of view or events) listener at the other end. So with this combination, I end up clamming up, she ends up doing most of the talking.

God has made me come to realize finally, that I've been totally self-centered in my thinking, and not seeking to be others-centered. Why is it that she has to conform to my standards and perceptions of a ready audience before I talk and communicate? True, it helps, but I'm talking about the situation where I totally shut up all the time. Remembering Paul in his letters, his life (emulating Christ's) shows real others-centeredness, summed up nicely in the phrase "...to the Jews, a Jew. To the Gentiles, a Gentile". Go to where they are! Not get others to conform to what you're like. Be in the world, though on of the world. Go out to them! If for things as ultimately important as spreading the goods news for people to be saved, we can be others-centered and consider others first, why can't we do the same thing for other things that are smaller, even trivial? Why shouldn't I?

In the process of learning to love her as Christ loved the church (both now before the wedding and also after the wedding), I do fail, and will still along the way. But God forbid that I stop thinking with the right mindset, and working to change, to love her more and more...